Right now you are crashed out and sleeping on top of me. My computer is pulled up next to me and I'm typing with one hand. It's 11:07pm.
You nursed to sleep as usual tonight, not unlike usual, you didn't want to be put down in your packnplay for bed, even though I tried three times! So you are asleep on your back on my chest, kind of draped across me. You just stirred, cried out and rolled to your stomach with my help, your thumb in your mouth.
I was laying here thinking of how inconvenient this is-the food still hasn't been put away from diner, the dishes still need washing, and there are 10 bottles that are sitting on the counter waiting to be washed for me to use while pumping next week. I wanted to get you to sleep on time so I could do all of this and then spend some time working on editing pictures, but you were having none of it this evening-you wanted to be close!
So I decided to just give in and enjoy this fleeting moment. I know that sooner than I imagine you won't want to cuddle or sleep on me. As they always say to new moms- enjoy it-the dishes will still be there tomorrow! Five years from now, I won't remember whether the dishes got done or the food put away, but I will remember the moments I spent enjoying you this evening.
I want to remember and take note of these moments-so here's what I love about you right now, in this moment-
I love the weight of your little body and head as you relax into sleep. Your head on its side against my arm has the weight of complete surrender and trust. Periodically, you lift your head to get comfortable and the it flops back down with a heavy thud.
Your right thumb is in your mouth as it always is. You must suck on it hard as you have a callous on it!
Your little arms flop haphazardly to my sides, completely relaxed. When you roll to your side you lay on your arm and your fingers softly brush against me face-they are so soft and gentle
I love listening you breathe-its a sound I could listen to all day! It is so calming.
Your face has a look of such contentment on it-you love being close and I love it too!
When you wake after a long nap, you face and arms are imprinted with a relief of the folds of fabric you've been laying on. Your hair is tousled and sticking up, your head is sweaty and, if you woke before you were ready, you're are usually in a sleepy haze and upset. I love how nursing you calms you down and helps you to go back to sleep until you are ready to wake up-which you then do so happy!
It is such a sweet moment and I'm so glad I took the time to enjoy it!
So beautiful, Hope! I love it! Little Alexandra looks so restful sprawled out on top of Mama.
ReplyDeleteYour post reminds me of when we used to co-sleep with LB. I just loved how her little body felt next to mine; she used to sleep curled up in the crook of my arm. She would sort of squirm and wiggle until she was pressed right up against my body. And I would just lay there awake smelling her and cuddling her. I miss those days so much! I think when she turned about eight months, she just would not sleep in our bed anymore. She only wanted to play!