This Moment...

Right now you are crashed out and sleeping on top of me. My computer is pulled up next to me and I'm typing with one hand. It's 11:07pm.

You nursed to sleep as usual tonight, not unlike usual, you didn't want to be put down in your packnplay for bed, even though I tried three times! So you are asleep on your back on my chest, kind of draped across me. You just stirred, cried out and rolled to your stomach with my help, your thumb in your mouth.

I was laying here thinking of how inconvenient this is-the food still hasn't been put away from diner, the dishes still need washing, and there are 10 bottles that are sitting on the counter waiting to be washed for me to use while pumping next week. I wanted to get you to sleep on time so I could do all of this and then spend some time working on editing pictures, but you were having none of it this evening-you wanted to be close!

So I decided to just give in and enjoy this fleeting moment. I know that sooner than I imagine you won't want to cuddle or sleep on me. As they always say to new moms- enjoy it-the dishes will still be there tomorrow! Five years from now, I won't remember whether the dishes got done or the food put away, but I will remember the moments I spent enjoying you this evening.

I want to remember and take note of these moments-so here's what I love about you right now, in this moment-

I love the weight of your little body and head as you relax into sleep. Your head on its side against my arm has the weight of complete surrender and trust. Periodically, you lift your head to get comfortable and the it flops back down with a heavy thud.

Your right thumb is in your mouth as it always is. You must suck on it hard as you have a callous on it!

Your little arms flop haphazardly to my sides, completely relaxed. When you roll to your side you lay on your arm and your fingers softly brush against me face-they are so soft and gentle

I love listening you breathe-its a sound I could listen to all day! It is so calming.

Your face has a look of such contentment on it-you love being close and I love it too!

When you wake after a long nap, you face and arms are imprinted with a relief of the folds of fabric you've been laying on. Your hair is tousled and sticking up, your head is sweaty and, if you woke before you were ready, you're are usually in a sleepy haze and upset. I love how nursing you calms you down and helps you to go back to sleep until you are ready to wake up-which you then do so happy!

It is such a sweet moment and I'm so glad I took the time to enjoy it!

Alexandra is 9 months old! September 20, 2010

My dear sweet beautiful wonderful Alexandra!

Today you are 9 months old! I can't believe it! It seems like it was just yesterday that you were just a tiny little thing and now look at you! You are developing into such a wonderful little baby! You are now 39 weeks old, and you have been outside my tummy as long as you were inside. On the one hand, it seems like such a short time, but on the other, it seems like so long-I wonder how I had the patience to wait so long to meet you!

A lot has happened this month!

You and Daddy went on your first adventure along together-he took you to his go-karting event with SCMM! Lisa was so nice to watch you while you raced! She's really good with you and you had a good time as you can see from this photo!

You got your 8th tooth! Your teeth have been coming in so quickly and you now have four on top and four on the bottom! You enjoy biting and sucking on things like tags and you are quick to find the tags on lots of items! Here you are chewing on the big tag on the boppy!

You are still in our room in your pack and play. You start out the night here after you fall asleep after nursing. You usually wake up about 12pm-1am, by bolting upright, sometimes before you are even completely awake and crying (see the picture below) and I bring you into bed with me to nurse-I can go to sleep easily then and you sleep so much better when you are in bed with us! We both like it as well! We recently decided to try and have you sleep in your crib for the first part of the night when you usually sleep in your park n play, but you aren't having it! We tried a few nights and the first night you did ok, but after that, as soon as I put you down in the crib, you wake up! I think the mattress is different, the smell is different, the view is different (you've got to get used to seeing the slats on your crib instead of the mesh on the pack n play!) and this all scares you a bit and you don't want to go back to sleep once you realize this isn't your normal bed! We'll keep trying!

We are spending more time in your room to get you more familiar with your space! I think this will help you feel more comfortable with your bed too! You enjoy standing up in your crib and you like to peep at me through the slats and over the top when I put you in there to get you used to it! Like I said, we'll keep trying and eventually you'll be ready! I'm in no rush to get you out of our room! I love how tiny you look in this photo of you in your big crib! Even as big as you are getting, you are still tiny and that makes me happy! At the same time, I can't believe that you are standing up! You needed me to life your head just a few short months ago, and now you can get around and stand up on your own!

We've started giving you more room to roam! I washed the bathroom floor and the mats and you now hang out here, usually with a basket of toys, while I take my shower! You used to hang out in your bouncy seat, but once you could sit up on your own, there was no keeping you in the seat! You are quite happy to play here on the floor, and you usually stay close to the shower, sometimes pulling up on the side of the tub! It's very cute! Below you are hanging out in the bathroom with me in the morning.

We got back together with some of the moms and babies from our Mom's group this month! It was so much fun to see them all! All of the babies have grown so much, and I really enjoyed seeing all the moms and catching up!

You had a lot of fun and enjoyed your very first time in the pool!

Below are all the babies that attended-

Hudson, Amelia, Vivian, Katie, Nathan, you, Diana.

Your Daddy is doing a great job of watching you in the evenings and on the weekends that I work! He loves you so much and loves caring for you! Here he is brushing your hair after a bath!

I'm loving this view! Seeing you starting to crawl up my leg and standing up is so sweet! I know it won't be long before I see this often as you start toddling around all the time! I'm loving watching you discover new things and capabilities and learn about the world-but I also wish you could just stay small forever! These moments of you being tiny are so wonderful and so fleeting! I'm lucky that you are still a tiny little girl and will be small-I don't know if you'll like this when you are older, but I'm enjoying it now! You are the perfect size for me!

Everyday, my love for you just grows and grows! Just when I think it's not possible to love you more, you make my heart expand and stretch some more in ways I didn't know it could! You are just so wonderful! I'm looking forward to the rest of your first year and all the adventures we will have together!

I love you sweet girl!

Mama

Alexandra is 6 months old today! June 20th, 2010

You are 6 months old today!!

Dear Alexandra-

We've gone through SO many changes this month! When I think back to your 5 month birthday, it's hard to believe it was just one short month ago!

To start off, I went back to work. Before I started back on May 26th, we tried to really soak up the last days of being together all day long! We went to a scrapbooking day at Jamie and Katie's house, we went to the park, and we went to Mom's group! They were very special days and I feel like we really enjoyed them to the fullest and celebrated those last days of my being home!

You started daycare fulltime on my first day back, Wednesday, May 26th. I planned it well and worked a 3 day week, then a 4 day week due to the Memorial Day holiday, and then finally we eased into a five day week. It was tough on both of us. Being back at work wasn't so tough-I fell back into the work routine pretty easily, and I'm very lucky to work with such great colleagues and people at my job. The tough part was leaving you; especially because you still aren't taking a bottle as well as you could. By my first full week, you had gone on a "hunger strike" and only took 2 oz and 2 1/2 oz on Wednesday and Thursday respectively of that week! It worried me so much! But the next week you started eating more, and I think it just took some getting used to. You still don't take the bottle well, and take between 5-8 oz a day when you should be taking around 15 oz in a day, but you are getting better. The transition to work has been tough on me in well because of the sheer amount of work I have to do to prepare each day. When I get home, you want to spend lots of time nursing and cuddling, which is wonderful, but I sometimes don't get to eat diner til very late (11pm one time!) if you are especially hungry, needy, or cuddly. Pumping at work three times a day, means lots of time at work (30-40 minutes, three times a day) as well as time at night washing, drying, and preparing bottles. And then getting home late means that I have to prepare meals in advance on early nights and weekends. It's a lot of work. But even so, I love my new life with you and I wouldn't have it any other way!

Another big development this month is that you sprouted two teeth! I realized on Saturday, May 29th that your bottom two teeth had broken through! You had been fussy on Tuesday evening, and I figured that it was because you knew something was up (I was returning to work the next day) but now I think you must have been having some teething pain! Even with that, you were such a happy baby and you fooled us, keeping your new teeth a secret until they emerged on Saturday!

On Sunday, May 30th, Daddy got a new car! He traded in Whipper, his Chili Red, JCW MINI Cooper S, to get a more family friendly car-a VW Jetta Sportswagon TDI. While he likes the new car, he misses his MINI a lot-but he realized that he needed to get a more reliable, larger, more family friendly car. You were so good at the dealership! We spent a lot of time there buying the car, and everyone commented on how great you were! We were very proud of you, and so happy that you are such a happy, contented baby! You took an interest in the keys to Daddy's new car, so we'll have to get you your own set of pretend keys-no real keys for you until you are at least 16!

You have started taking an interest in our food as we eat it! You watch intently as we put food in our mouth and act very interested in what we are doing. You have also started reaching for our plates sometimes-in fact, I ended up with a plate of food in my lap at F and K's baby shower (fellow babyloss parents from my Long Beach group who are pregnant and just recently had their baby girl, R!) when you reached for it and flipped the paper plate over off the edge of the table! Luckily it almost empty, but I'll have to pay a lot more attention because you are reaching for things more and more now!

You have really started pushing up on your hands and knees now-you started out toppling over once you pushed up. Then, in one day, you found your balance and you started rocking back and forth on your hands an knees like you wanted to move! You are so close! You now move all over the place with a combination of rolling, turning, and pushing up on your hands and knees. It's so fun to see you exploring the world from a different angle!

You are also almost sitting up on your own when I put you in that position. You don't seem too interested though in it, so you don't really try to stay that way yet!

Grandma Didi and Grandpa JohnJohn came to visit this month! We had so much fun with both of them! You enjoyed bouncing with your grandpa, and loved being held by Grandma! They loved you up and were so happy to see you and snuggle you!! The same weekend that Grandma and Grandpa visited, you learned to really use your hands to grasp things! You like to reach for things now and to grab them. The Paddywhackers are now some of your favorite toys! You like to hold them, pass them back and forth from hand to hand, and bend and fold them! You can play with them for a long time without getting bored like you do with other toys.

We have gotten back into reading every evening before bed. We usually "All About Me-A Baby's Guide to Babies." Even if you are tired, you smile and get excited every time we read this book! You like looking at the pictures of the babies, but most of all you seem to like looking at the words and the writing. You pat the pages and like to hold the book while I'm holding it.

We had a nice Father's Day/6 month birthday-we got you dressed up in a cute outfit-a blue and white dress with a blue sweater! You and your Daddy posed for some pictures that turned out to be some of my favorites! They really show your personality and your special relationship together.

I've now successfully taken your picture everyday for 6 whole months! It's amazing to go back and look at the Daily Alexandra photos from your first months! You have changed and grown and learned so much-it's simply amazing!

I love you sweet girl! Happy 6 month birthday! I can't wait to see what the rest of your first year brings! I certainly know I'm going to enjoy them!

I love you!

Mommy

Alexandra is 5 months old! May 20th, 2010!

Alexandra is 5 months today, May 20th, 2010!

Dear Alexandra-

My sweet little girl! You are growing and discovering so much in the past month! I love watching you as you grow! You just become sweeter with every passing day. Describing how much I love you still just isn't possible-you are my heart and soul and my sun, moon, and stars-you give me direction and purpose. While I love each new discovery and can't wait for the next, the words of a song that we listen to while making dinner sometimes ring so true-

I hope that maybe

You'll stay a baby

If only for just

One more day

Time marches on and brings wonderful things, but sometimes I just wish we could freeze it for awhile, so I could enjoy your wonderful-ness a little longer!

You are really rolling now, in both directions, left and right, from your back to your stomach! And recently you figured out how to get back to your back when you get tired of being on your stomach! It's so cute to see you rolling one way, then rolling back the other way-you are really moving! When you are on your tummy, you kick your feet and move your legs like you want to crawl. You haven't figured it out yet, but I can see it coming! It won't be long before you are truly mobile! I've started baby-proofing, starting with our bedroom in anticipation!

You had your first full day at daycare on the May 18th. I dropped you off at around 9am and you stayed until 5:30pm. Daddy went with me to pick you up and we took a photo with Leticia! You did so well! You are taking the bottle without a fight, and see to do better and better each day! You were more needy that night and nurse more than usual, but you only woke up once in the middle of the night which is not unusual! I was worried that you might wake up many times, but you didn't! I'm so glad that you feel comfortable with Leticia and the three other kids at daycare. I'm very glad that we've taken the time to ease into it, even if I would have rather had you all that time, I think it was important to make it an easier transition for us both! I'm also very happy that your friend from our mom's group, Amelia, will be going to daycare with you! I hope that you and Amelia will become great friends, and that her mom and I will grow our friendship too!

We've been growing our friendships with all the other moms and babies from our moms group this month as well! We've had several events, one get together at Portia's house, 2 park afternoons that I planned, and just today, a scrapbooking day at Jamie's house! We've had a lot of fun getting to know other mommy's and babies! I enjoy their company, especially since they understand the joys and challenges of being a new mommy, and you like watching and playing with the other babies!

I've definitely enjoyed our park afternoons! We've done two with the other mommy's, and one with Grandma DiDi. It's so nice to just enjoy the warm air and the cool breeze in the late afternoon, and you like watching the leaves and the shadows above!

Another fun event was our trip to Scripps to see your "aunties" Jung, Helen, and Lilybeth! We had fun seeing Julie from CP&R, hanging out on the lawn, and seeing Prof. Boucquey! It was nice to show you around Scripps and it was such a beautiful, perfect day! Hanging out on the lawn like the old days was wonderful to do with you too! It was such a reminder of where I've come from and how far I've come!

We've started giving you more baths in the last week or so. Between spitting up and being a messy bottle eater, you get all messy and smelly and sticky by the end of the day! You see to really like the tummy tub, and it's a nice routine at the end of the day! Also, I've cleaned of my big chair in our bedroom and we've been reading a book there in the evening! You like to snuggle in on my lap and I love this time! You seem fascinated by books and words and text (I often find you "reading" the warning label on your car seat right after I put you in!!) and I hope this continues and you develop a love for reading!

We've started introducing more toys to you, though still not a lot. Grandma DiDi gave you your Sophie that she and Grandpa JohnJohn gave you awhile back. You LOVE the squeak sound it makes and just smiled for miles when we first gave it to you. You try to chew on here, but are not quite successful yet, as it takes a little more coordination than you have to get the other end to your mouth, but you are working on it! You also enjoy your little Winnie-the-Pooh toys (you've only seen Tigger and Eeyore so far) as well as your Paddywackers! But mostly you just enjoy "chatting" and playing with us and don't need too many extra toys yet. You have lots to play with at Leticia's anyway! Grandma DiDi also enjoyed giving you a bottle while I made dinner! You did very well and took almost 2 oz! I love that other people can feed you now and that you don't have to rely on me, although I'm not about to give up any feedings I don't have to! Breastfeeding still remains very enjoyable for both of us. I wanted to breastfeed for a year, but now I plan on continuing until you want to stop. I'm hoping that pumping at work doesn't prove to be too difficult!

You rent through a little development growth spurt last week. You had a hard time when you got tired and cried and got very fussy. You were didn't want anyone else to hold you other than your Daddy and I, and you even got upset at daycare when Sydney brought Amelia! At first I thought it was stranger anxiety, but then Adeline at our mom's group said that she could see that you were learning so much and were very busy and that it was probably that. Sure enough, you did great when we visited you KQ aunties and others at Scripps on Tuesday, 5/11 and have been fine since, even letting a man who sat next to us in restaurant that we talked with hold you!

Other interesting things:

You don't seem to be growing rapidly anymore-you are eating as much as ever, but your growth has leveled off. Whereas you were once one of the bigger babies for your age, you are now looking a little small! I love it because I just want you to stay cute and small forever!

At 5 months, you are wearing some 3 month outfits still! You are also wearing some 3-6 month outfits as well.

Well, my sweet one, stay sweet and lovely as you are!

I love you!

Love,

Mama

Alexandra is 4 months old! April 20th, 2010!

My Dear, Sweet, Wonderful Alexandra-

Have I told you how much I love you? I don't think you can comprehend just how much I love you! I am just overflowing with love for you and I am constantly overwhelmed by your wonderful-ness! You Daddy thinks so too! The other day we were marveling at the fact that just 4 short months ago, you didn't exist in this world. Just a year ago, we were in an entirely different place (emotionally especially) and we were longing and wishing for you. How utterly and profoundly amazing it is that just a year later, you are here, now, right in from of us and we can touch you and hear your coos and giggles, and see your smiles You are a lifetime wishes and dreams manifest. You are everything that we wished for and SO SO much more! You have far surpassed our expectations of what parenthood would be like! We both agree that it has been the most amazing ride of our lives!

This month has brought so many wonderful things!

You are so much more aware and in possession of yourself and your body! You smile at us all the time and your beginning to giggle! We went out walking one evening and stopped by our neighbors front yard to talk to meet them and chat. Our neighbor was swinging her little girl in a swing in their porch. You watched intently and then startled giggling and squealing with delight! You thought it was so funny! You kept this up for a good 5 minutes! It's so much fun to see you discovering the world and having your own thoughts and opinions about it! No doubt, you wanted to jump right in that swing yourself by your reaction! A good way to make you laugh now is to say the word "giggle" in a high pitched voice. You find it hilarious and it always produces a smile and often a laugh!! Your belly laughs are the best!

At the beginning of April, you started daycare. It was so hard to leave you, but I'm so glad that we are easing you into this-both for you and for me! We started with an hour on the first day (I cried once I left you!) and have been working our way up. You are getting better with the bottle, but mainly just fuss when you get tired, take a little milk with the bottle, and then fall asleep. This seems to be how you deal with being apart and not being able to nurse. Its making me very nervous for when I go back to work next month, but it's definitely an improvement as you screamed the first time we tried to give you a bottle! I am so happy that we found the daycare provider that we did-Leticia is very sweet and you seem to like her and being there. You've never cried when I've left-you are all smiles when I drop you off and all smiles when I pick you up! I would much rather you stay with me, of course, but since you have to go to daycare, I'm so happy that it's in a good environment! I hope that you grow to love Leticia and that you like going to daycare. I'm also happy that the group that she has is all girls! Hopefully you'll make some good friends!

You are enjoying your baths in the Tummy Tub! I hesitated getting it because it just looks like a bucket, but it's perfect for you! You like being in the warm water and splashing. It's a nice winddown at the end of the day, and you go right to sleep after nursing on the days you take a bath!

In your Tummy Tub (see video HERE)

You've definitely found your fingers and your thumb! Your hands go to your mouth more and more often and you use your thumb to self soothe sometimes! I'm very happy that you've found a way to soothe ourself-you don't need to often as I always respond quickly (I won't let you "cry it out" ever and I'm not planning on it) but there are times in the car when I can't get there right away and it's good that you can call on your thumb! With sucking on your fingers comes lots of drool! It gets everywhere and sometimes I have you wear a bib to keep you from soaking the front of your outfit! I was wondering if you were teething, but you don't seem to have any teeth coming in yet-(I hope they wait awhile! I'm not ready for that!) You have also started taking a pacifier-you don't take it all the time, but seems to soothe you if you get tired and can't seem to find your thumb. Rocking you in the glider with the pacifier seems to help you relax and go to sleep in the later afternoon.

You are a good sleeper so far at night! I nurse you around 9pm and you go right to sleep. If the lights are off and it's quiet, you often sleep right through til 6:30am. If you've been at Leticia's for a few hours and didn't get to nurse (and wouldn't take the bottle) then you are a bit clingy-er and wake up to eat once or twice in the night. Sometimes also you just wake up around midnight to eat again. I dont' mind though-it's just another chance for us to have our special time together. For the most part, I feel very lucky with your sleep habits and hope you keep it up!

Sleeping Beauty!

While you are a great nighttime sleeper, you don't sleep well during the day unless I'm holding you. Once I put you down, you wake up after a few minutes. I've been trying to read your patterns though and several times I've put you down in your crib for 2 or 3 minutes to use the bathroom or do something and I comeback and find that you are sleepy and are sucking your thumb or fingers and pretty soon have fallen asleep! These naps only last about 45 minutes, but I'm glad you are learning to put yourself to sleep! I'm not complaining though about your lack of daytime naps-if it leads to you sleeping well at night, I don't want to change anything!

You are very vocal and you love "talking." Sometimes you squeal or yell to get our attention, and sometimes you just like to exercise your vocal cords! I love it and we like to have "conversations back and forth. You are a much more active participant now in these conversations than you used to be, using your voice at full volume, instead of just cooing! You usually only talk when we are at home, though-when we are out, you are usually just quietly taking it all in. See a video of you talking HERE

You had your first big trip in early April. We went to Santa Barbara to see Grandma Didi, Grandpa JohnJohn, and Auntie Gretchen (who hasn't seen you since you were 7 days old!). They all loved seeing you! It was a bit of a tough trip for you as it was your first time in such a new environment, away from home for so long. We also went to Auntie Gretchen's bridal shower, so you met lots of people and all the excitement was hard for you! You were great though, and were still smily by the end of the trip. It was clear that you were so glad to be home, though because you fell asleep into the most peaceful sleep immediately with Daddy when we got home that night!

With Auntie Gretchen

You love to watch other babies and we always have fun at our Mom's group! I pull you close to the other babies and you stare at them and look and stare some more! You are very attentive when you are interested in something and you can hold your attention for a long time! We don't have any toys for you other than your baby gym which we use several times a week for tummy time. Other than that, you seem very content with just us and we try to make lots of eye contact and talk to you all the time!

With Nathan at Mom's Group

You love looking at the picture of Eeyore on the wipes box. There are other Winnie-The-Pooh characters on the box, but you only have eyes for Eeyore. You smile at him, stare at him, and reach for him! I sometimes say "where's Eeyore? Find your Eeyore" (yes, he is your Eeyore) and you smile and look over in his direction! When I say his name, you know what I'm talking about! You are so smart!

With "Your Eeyore"

Towards the end of the month, you found your feet one day! Now when you are on your back, you often reach for your feet. You aren't pulling them to your mouth, just reaching for them (Happy baby yoga pose!). Shortly after that, you started rolling from your back to your tummy! Without warning one day your just rolled! I was, of course, surprised, but you acted like you'd been doing it forever! Now, when we put you on your back, you immediate put your legs up and start rolling! It's pretty funny! It also makes for a challenging changing time because you always want to roll over to your Eeyore! See the video HERE

Alexandra finds her feet!

Your 4 month appt went well. You got more shots, which you didn't like, but you were very good and only cried for about 10 seconds until it was over and I picked you up! Then you were your old happy self again! Your growth has slowed down and you are about average on the growth charts, which the Dr said is normal for breast fed babies.

Your weight: 14lbs 1.5oz (55th %ile)

Your length:

Your head:

I really like your pediatrician, Dr Ball. He's very laid back and easy going and gives great advice. He gave us the go ahead to start you on solid food if we want, but said it would be better to wait until you are 6 months since I'm breastfeeding you. This made me happy, because I'm not ready to give up any of our feedings yet! We'll start you on solids after your 6 month appt in June.

At your 4 month appointment

Everyone always comments on what a beautiful baby you are (in fact Dr Ball even said that you could be a baby model!) People are alway saying how cute babies are, but people say you are beautiful! I have to agree! You are the most beautiful being, inside and out!

I love watching your grow and discover new things-each discovery is so amazing! You are amazing! I can't believe how far you've come in just 4 short months!

I love you baby girl! You are the light of my life!

Love forever,

Mommy

Alexandra is 3 months old!

Dear Alexandra-

Today, my sweet girl, you are 3 months old!

I'm sure I'm going to say this every month, but I can't believe that you have been on this earth for 3 months! And they have been three such sweet and wonderful months too!!

I am loving being a Mommy! Taking care and nurturing you is truly my calling in life, and I am so proud to be your Mama!

This month you have discovered so many things and it has been amazing to watch you learn and see the world! I love showing you new things, reading to you, talking to you, and looking into your beautiful eyes! Just as I am showing you things, you too are teaching me even more important things-patience, humility, peace, to slow down. You have given me so many gifts already in just three short months and I only hope that I can give you as many in your lifetime!

You are definitely a mommy's girl right now and often have your "fussy time" right when Daddy gets home. He is getting better and better are calming you down, though, which is a big help to mommy and sometimes a needed break to have a few minutes to myself. But after a few minutes of silence and time to clear my thoughts, I miss you and want you back! It's hard being away from you for more than a few minutes!

You are getting more coordinated. During tummy time this week you grabbed the monkey from you gym that I took off the beams and lay next to you. You grabbed it and held on as you moved him around. I don't think you intentionally reached for it, but it was the first time I'd seen you pick something up! You also reached for the tag on your car seat that was sitting next to you and felt it for a few seconds! You are very interested in the animals in your gym, and I have fun telling you about each one and helping you touch them! You also like it when the elephant kisses you, or I make the squeaky sound on the gym-it always gets a smile!

Your fingers are in your mouth all the time and you have started blowing bubbles and drooling! It's very cute, though the front of your outfit gets wet and I get worried that you will get cold! If putting your fingers in your mouth is one of the ways you learn, then you are definitely learning a lot! You also suck on your fingers which is a self soother for you!

When your fingers aren't in your mouth, I've been trying to get you to take a pacifier. The Nuk seems to fit your mouth best (we learned this when trying out different bottles) and when you want to suck, you sometimes like the pacifier. You are still not taking a bottle, but we are continuing to try! The other day, you took a 1/2 ounce. You still seem to have trouble with what to do with the nipple and haven't started sucking yet, but you do put it in your mouth and s compress the nipple. I think the flow might be too fast for you and you don't know what to do with it because of that! We'll keep trying though! I'm trying to pump more often and am building a frozen milk supply for your bottles when you eventually take them!

You are now just over 13 lbs-I had you weighed at Milkilicious last Wednesday when we went to see how much you eat in a feeding. We'll go again this week and see if you take the same amount (5 oz!!) again! You have a healthy appetite!

I was just saying to your Daddy how fun you are getting! At first I just wanted you to stay small and newborn, but I'm seeing now how exciting it is as you discover the world and grow! You smile and sometimes even giggle often! Making eye contact makes you happy and you often have a smile for those who look at you which always charms them! Your smiles are big and so full of joy and it's clear that you are elated to be engaged! Once you lock eyes with someone, especially me, you can keep that eye contact for minutes on end without breaking it!

Everyone who sees you always comments on how beautiful you are! I love just looking at you because they are right! Lots of babies are cute, but you are beautiful! I could stare at your for hours!

I can't wait to see what this month brings, my little one! If it's anything like these first three, I know it will be amazing!

I love you!

Mama!